First...close your eyes (of course...you close them after you have read this...I know some smart aleck will say "How can I possibly read the post if my eyes are closed??" I KNOW THAT...but im trying to set the mood so...after you read this post...close your eyes dangit annnnndddd...)
Imagine...stepping in the studio and having a whole entourage of people watch you record for your very first session ever. The anxiety of recording day after day until 6 and 7 am in the morning weighs on your vocal chords. To make matters worse, you've never been trained so you have no clue of how to maintain a healthy singing voice. And one day when you go to step inside the booth....nothing comes out. You can barely breath and your voice is gone! And all those people who used to watch you...immediately write you off. And all the opportunities you once had go down the drain.
At the time you have no health insurance because you are bartending as a means to meet people in the music business. So you dish out nearly $200 dollars in cash to an ENT doctor who spends a little less than 5 minutes to tell you have a vocal chord nodule and that you shouldn't talk for 6 months. You change jobs, and you take on a job as a Paralegal/Legal Assistant at a law firm where you are silent for 8 hours out of the day. You are just a work zombie who pushes papers. And you are absolutely miserable. No one talks and the people are uptight, lifeless, and blah! At the time, you have no car because the car you worked two jobs one summer during college to pay for broke down. So it takes you 2 hours to commute to work and 2 hours to get home 6 days a week on public transportation. You take 2 buses and a train everyday to get there. You have to get a speech therapist just to rehabilitate your voice and after 2 years you are still not back at 100% vocally.
NOW...open your eyes...a few years ago that person was me.
Growing up, I never took my talent seriously. I would cry when my Mom would make me sing for the Easter program. I wanted to recite a poem like everybody else. But she saw something in me...so she pushed me. I always played around. That is what I did...I played with singing. I never took it seriously until I couldn't sing anymore. And that is when my whole perspective changed.
For me, getting the nodule was the equivalent of the neighborhood star basketball player with hoop dreams tearing his ACL right before the NCAA tournament. I never really got the chance to show my skills. And I could always come back, but it would never be the same. So I became obsessed. I tried everything, Chinese herbs, doctors, vocal trainers, and speech therapists until one day, I noticed I could sing again. And from that day forward, I never took my talents for granted. I became serious about my craft and that is when I decided that music was my passion and it was what I wanted to do.
Most people don't know that those two years when I couldn't sing were the worst two years of my life. Those two years were also the best years for me. I struggled...suffered depression...cried all the time. I cringed at the thought of all the people who were getting ready to tell me I told you so. I absolutely hated life...Why? ...because the one thing I thought I could do so well was taken from me so abruptly and without warning. I was bitter and angry with the world. I didn't realize that something I called a "HOBBY" would affect me in such a negative way once it was gone. I needed it...for life. So that's when music became my life. It was no longer a hobby...it was who I was.
Now...I eat, sleep, and breath it. It is me.
Some wonder why I write so well...and that's part of the reason. When I couldn't talk or sing... I wrote. And I listened. And I learned. I was in such a dark place and often, I channel that pain through my creativity for emotional release.
I am glad that it happened NOW! But then...I was a complete mess. It helped to groom me, shape me, and mold me for this business. I appreciate everything that I went through to get what I have today. And if I had to do it again...I would. I am so thankful everyday for all that I have been blessed with. And I do not take my blessings for granted. So when someone comes at me, takes one look at me, and assumes that I just happen to be getting lucky. I think back to everything I went through with my voice and I smirk and say to my self..."You think you know...but you have no idea."
Here is me singing one of my favorite songs of all time "If Only You Knew"
Hope you like it! :-)
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