I say it all the time. As a matter of fact, I hear it all the time too. Musicians sit and talk about how hard it is to balance a relationship and chase a music career at the same time.
If you are putting the amount of time and energy you need to put into getting where you want to be, it's almost impossible unless your significant other is either extremely understanding or they are in the music business too. The main complaints are: I never get to see you, we don't spend enough time together, you are always at the studio, you always have a gig, why can't you stay home tonight?, you come home too late, I think you are cheating on me, you put your music before me.
And the truth is most musicians do and always will put music before anything else in his or her life. I can’t speak for all of them, but for the most part, this is pretty much true. I don't think it's an intentional thing...and I am speaking for myself when I say this. I honestly cannot help it. My career is my focus. It is number one in my life behind God and my family. Everything else falls in line after it. I will drop any and everything if it pertains to anything dealing with the advancement of my career.
I've had relationships fall apart because I wasn't willing to sacrifice the time away from my music to make it work. So instead of dragging them along and promising them that I would change, I just ended it. I knew I wasn't going to change. No need to lie or string anybody along. I wasn't cheating. Music is just my first love. And it always will be. I've yet to learn how to balance a blossoming relationship and still maintain a strong focus on my career. For some reason I can't do both.
I've had some of my musician friends talk about failed relationships with me and I've had similar situations myself. A lot of non-musicians who are in relationships with musicians expect to be put first in the relationship. A couple of friends have even had their significant others give them ultimatums. NOT GOOD!
To any non-musician dating or in a relationship with a musician: Please try not to give your loved one an ultimatum. If you know that music is his or her passion, why would you want to take that away? Why would you ask them to give up something that makes them happy? You will never be able to fill that void. My suggestion is to try to work with them: Try to understand. I know it's hard. And unless you are in the music business grinding it out every day and night you probably won’t be able to fathom the obsession. Most don't get what the big deal is...and probably never will. But I will say this... if you give an ultimatum and you ask your significant other to choose between you or the music, 9 times out of 10 you will be disappointed. And if he or she does choose you, resentment will set in, and the relationship will eventually fail. Now there are exceptions to this rule. But for the most part, this is a general rule of thumb...just my opinion.
But today's lesson is: NO ULTIMATUM!
I think the saying goes: “When you love someone, you’d give up anything for them. If they loved you back they’d never ask you to!”
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