Oh Holy Night

Hey ya'll,

It's Christmas time again....Instead of going down a list of everything I'm doing right now...I decided to post a Christmas song to get everybody into the holiday spirit. We can talk about all that other stuff in 2010...gives us all something to look forward to. Happy Holidays to all!!! SEE YOU NEXT YEAR! :-)

What'chu Talkin' 'Bout Maddog???

Ever had someone try to bully you??? I have....

I was in fifth grade. I had no idea that this guy even existed before. He was this huge, tall, football playing looking guy who hung with the wrong crowd and I could have sworn he was like... 16 still chilling in the 5th grade. Anyway, this guy told one of my friends that he had a crush on me and that he wanted to be my boyfriend. So I told her to point him out to me. She did and...I didn't like him. I was excited at first of the thought of a having a secret crush because I was thinking "ooooh....a boy!!" But this was not the kind of crush I was expecting. I was this lanky little 50lb beanpole of a girl who wore thick, coke bottle glasses and went to piano lessons every Monday. I was a Junior Girl scout who tested top 5 in the class for RESA Math and who sang in the church choir every Sunday. I really wasn't into boys yet. I was too busy dealing with so many other problems that came along with being a 5th grader... like trying to be cool.

Anyway, she told the guy that I wasn't interested and he got really mad. He told her that he was going to beat me up. Then he told everybody else in 5th grade that he was going to beat me up. I was mortified!

I got so scared. In my mind I was like "why?" My rejection wasn't a mean one. I was afraid of the guy so there was no way I was going to "diss" him and make him look bad in front of everybody...I thought if I did that...then he really would beat me up. I wondered how a three person conversation turned into a "entire student body of 5th grade conversation," but either way, it didn't matter now. He was mad and eventually going to beat me up. I had no clue what to do. All my friends laughed hysterically at me. I panicked everyday I went to school because I didn't know when and where the "beat down" would take place.

The guy never beat me up...by the time he had decided when and where the war would proceed. I was already at the principal's office TELLING! Yes....I told on him. (hahaha...laugh if you want) I did not fight! Are you kidding me???!!! There was no way I was going to walk onto a battlefield with a guy whom I didn't even know existed until this very incident. Plus, I didn't even know why I was fighting. Ah...errrrr???? :-/

I was not the type to get down and dirty and scrap and punch and exert all that force onto another person....please! Who was I going to hurt...the fly on the wall that was watching and laughing just like everybody else? That Goliath was NOT going to smash my little brain into pieces over an ego trip. I'm glad I did tattle on him because as soon as he got into trouble...he left me alone and went on to intimidate his next victim.

It's a lot like that in real life sometimes. When people reject you and hurt you. You wanna fight them and hurt them. When you reject others, sometimes they are going to get angry with you. I'm quite sure the guy really didn't mean any harm...he was just hurt. And because I knew he was hurt, I didn't allow the situation to escalate into something physical. It was not my battle to fight.

Rejection teaches you a lot about yourself. It builds strength. It builds character. It is a mirror that is held up to our faces that reflects what we don't necessarily see otherwise.

We should all thank rejection. I know I do. It makes me work that much harder. This music business is vicious and you have to have tough skin in order to survive. All the rejection I've received has helped to callous my skin. Now, I’m teflon! But when I was rejected, there was no need to fight those who rejected me. There was no need to lie on them and slander their names all over America…no need to try and get revenge. Of course there's a natural urge to want to do some of those things...but I didn't. I kept it moving, looked deeper than what was on the surface and I took the lesson out of the pain. I didn’t see the purpose of pointing the finger at someone who had free will to either "do" or "don't." That made no sense. I looked within me, worked on myself, perfected my craft and daily I turn that rejection into triumph. I am a better person for it.

So don't hate on rejection...use it to your advantage. For every 1,000 doors that are closed in your face...there is 1 just for you. Don't stop...even when you've reached door number 999. All of those other doors may not have lead to the rooms you needed to be in but that 1,000th door you open just may be the perfect door for you.

KEEP PUSHING PEOPLE! :-)

Who Gon' Check Me Boo!?!

Ever feel different?? Kind of like....you're not like everybody else?

It's a weird feeling to realize that you are the only one who sees something else besides what everybody else sees or hears something else besides what everyone else hears or believes something that no one else believes. Trying to verbalize the difference is frustrating because you can talk until you are blue in the face and if whoever you are trying to share your vision or dream with doesn't get it...they just don't get it!!! Nobody wants to agree to disagree, they want you to agree with them. *Sad Face*

A lot of times, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. ...Like I'm going left when everyone else is going right. And by no means do I mind being different. But what bothers me is when the people who are going right, clearly see me going left and absolutely insist on trying to persuade me to go right with them.

Our whole society is based on the majority. And it makes people scared to stand alone. They don't want to stand out or bring attention to themselves for fear of not being liked by the "majority." So they punk out...they sell out...they sit in silence…or they go along with the "crowd." They say "everybody wants to belong" ...but I guess. And those who do dare to be different are the ones who seem to look "crazy."

In a world where cliques still exist and cliches are still in full effect...DIFFERENT=CRAZY. But I think that people choose to call the different ones crazy because they don't understand them. And because they don't understand them...they can't check them. (When I say "check" I mean change, persuade, manipulate, coerce, break down, phase, touch, etc.)

Think about all the greats who were different and labeled "crazy" at first but then "geniuses" later. They weren't crazy, the world was just too slow for them.

Artists like Andre 3000 for example. So many people called him crazy/different/weird for so long. Then after he dropped the album "The Love Below" he was all of sudden a “musical genius.” He was a musical genius from birth, the world just didn’t know it yet. Only he saw his vision and he kept doing him. They didn't understand at first but he kept at it and eventually the world caught up with him. Now, nobody can check him.

Or think about Maxwell, an artist who had limited success for years. But he kept doing him. He did not have the favor of the masses. But he kept going left in a business where record labels and music execs pushed everybody to go right. He did not cave, give in, or sell out. The perseverance and steadfastness paid off because now he is selling out 20,000+ seated arenas all over the country. And, nobody can check him.

I know we all may question ourselves at times because there is something about every last one of us that is distinctly different and unique. Your uniqueness is your asset not your flaw. My voice is different, my look is different, I act different, I think different, I dress different. I am different! Who cares what they say? I don’t...and call me crazy if you want...I just think that the world hasn’t quite caught up with me yet....poor things. :-)

...Reminds me of the movie Happy Feet. The difference in that one penguin is the difference that ending up saving the whole species. So I dare myself be different and I step out on faith. We all should. You never know...that one little difference in you from the next man may be the difference that saves a life, a family, and school, and community, or even a whole nation. And then nobody will be able to check you. You will know your purpose and you will then appreciate your differences and trust me...they will too. :-)

Don't know what'chu got 'til its GONE!

First...close your eyes (of course...you close them after you have read this...I know some smart aleck will say "How can I possibly read the post if my eyes are closed??" I KNOW THAT...but im trying to set the mood so...after you read this post...close your eyes dangit annnnndddd...)

Imagine...stepping in the studio and having a whole entourage of people watch you record for your very first session ever. The anxiety of recording day after day until 6 and 7 am in the morning weighs on your vocal chords. To make matters worse, you've never been trained so you have no clue of how to maintain a healthy singing voice. And one day when you go to step inside the booth....nothing comes out. You can barely breath and your voice is gone! And all those people who used to watch you...immediately write you off. And all the opportunities you once had go down the drain.

At the time you have no health insurance because you are bartending as a means to meet people in the music business. So you dish out nearly $200 dollars in cash to an ENT doctor who spends a little less than 5 minutes to tell you have a vocal chord nodule and that you shouldn't talk for 6 months. You change jobs, and you take on a job as a Paralegal/Legal Assistant at a law firm where you are silent for 8 hours out of the day. You are just a work zombie who pushes papers. And you are absolutely miserable. No one talks and the people are uptight, lifeless, and blah! At the time, you have no car because the car you worked two jobs one summer during college to pay for broke down. So it takes you 2 hours to commute to work and 2 hours to get home 6 days a week on public transportation. You take 2 buses and a train everyday to get there. You have to get a speech therapist just to rehabilitate your voice and after 2 years you are still not back at 100% vocally.

NOW...open your eyes...a few years ago that person was me.

Growing up, I never took my talent seriously. I would cry when my Mom would make me sing for the Easter program. I wanted to recite a poem like everybody else. But she saw something in me...so she pushed me. I always played around. That is what I did...I played with singing. I never took it seriously until I couldn't sing anymore. And that is when my whole perspective changed.

For me, getting the nodule was the equivalent of the neighborhood star basketball player with hoop dreams tearing his ACL right before the NCAA tournament. I never really got the chance to show my skills. And I could always come back, but it would never be the same. So I became obsessed. I tried everything, Chinese herbs, doctors, vocal trainers, and speech therapists until one day, I noticed I could sing again. And from that day forward, I never took my talents for granted. I became serious about my craft and that is when I decided that music was my passion and it was what I wanted to do.

Most people don't know that those two years when I couldn't sing were the worst two years of my life. Those two years were also the best years for me. I struggled...suffered depression...cried all the time. I cringed at the thought of all the people who were getting ready to tell me I told you so. I absolutely hated life...Why? ...because the one thing I thought I could do so well was taken from me so abruptly and without warning. I was bitter and angry with the world. I didn't realize that something I called a "HOBBY" would affect me in such a negative way once it was gone. I needed it...for life. So that's when music became my life. It was no longer a hobby...it was who I was.

Now...I eat, sleep, and breath it. It is me.

Some wonder why I write so well...and that's part of the reason. When I couldn't talk or sing... I wrote. And I listened. And I learned. I was in such a dark place and often, I channel that pain through my creativity for emotional release.

I am glad that it happened NOW! But then...I was a complete mess. It helped to groom me, shape me, and mold me for this business. I appreciate everything that I went through to get what I have today. And if I had to do it again...I would. I am so thankful everyday for all that I have been blessed with. And I do not take my blessings for granted. So when someone comes at me, takes one look at me, and assumes that I just happen to be getting lucky. I think back to everything I went through with my voice and I smirk and say to my self..."You think you know...but you have no idea."

Here is me singing one of my favorite songs of all time "If Only You Knew"
Hope you like it! :-)

The Grass Ain't Always Greener....Or is it?

Hey Folks,

Today we discuss envious a- - muthafreakin' people!! Yes, I had to go there because people who envy others deserved to be cursed....Do you know why???? ....because they should kill themselves....Why might you ask?? ....because they don't deserve to live...and do you know why??? ...because to envy another is a direct insult to the CREATOR! It's like saying he didn't know what he was doing when he created you! And who does that????

I've ran across quite a few people who took one look at my situation and automatically decided that I don't deserve to be where I am. As a human, you are not allowed to make decisions on who deserves what. STAY IN YOUR LANE!

You all know what I'm talking about too. Think about that one chick or that one dude who is just always insistent on riding your tip. She/he always has something to say. You do well...they talk...you do badly...they talk. WOMP, WOMP, WOMP!!! The whole time they are talking, they secretly want what you have. They are just unwilling to do the work to get it because if they were, they would be on the J-O-B instead of mouthing off. They see your pretty green grass and then look down at their brown dirt and it angers them. So they want to come over to your yard and (excuse my language) shit all over your property with their hate. But what they don't realize is all that shit is fertilizer. Your flowers are getting ready to blossom baby. Everybody just take a few seconds out of the day today and thank all of the envious ones for their SHIT! It's just what you need to add that extra glow to your lawn. :-)

If you are doing what you love and they can clearly see that you are happy, they say "But there's no point if you don't get paid." Then when they find out you are getting a little change from what makes you happy and they say, "Oh money ain't everything, some of the richest people are the most miserable." BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!! It goes on and on and on. And you can see the GREEN in their eyes from a mile away. But these people never stop to think about what you had to go through to get where you are. They see the blessings but not the struggles, the blood, the sweat, and the tears.

People ask me all the time...How did you get this opportunity or that opportunity? And honestly, I have no clue. I didn't plan to pursue music as a child. And when I look back I only see one set of footprints. I was carried. But these opportunities did not come without a price.

To make a long story short...If it is in his will, know that it will be done. And don't ever let someone make you feel like you don't deserve what you have...BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO CLUE! :-) They want you to dim your light because its outshining theirs and no one can see them. But don't do it. Be proud of your accomplishments because they are just that....YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS!